Friday the 13th ... so who is lecram?


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This post doesn't have anything to do with the superstitions or the movie... it just happens to fall on when I'm posting this.

The "so who is lecram?" part is something that I've been thinking about for the last 2 weeks. No, it's not some identity crisis that I'm going through but more of a meditation on the value of the individual.

As far back as I can remember people have gravitated to me because of what I am and what I do as opposed to who I am. Even my former wife copped to the fact that she fell in love with the "playwright" and learned to love the person later. This is not meant to be a slight against her but is being used to make my point. How guilty are we all of this?

I can understand when this standard is used in the work environment. When I am auditioning people to cast a play I am looking for talent and ability... but I do go the extra step to get a feel of the individual that I may end up working with. I have often cast someone who may have little or no experience... but is willing to work and learn over a mega talent who has attitude issues. (I continue to maintain that egoistic behavior is really an illumination of the individual's limitations and unwillingness to learn.) Some of my peers have chided me for this but I know that my most successful productions were the ones where everyone is working as a creative team.

However, I've noticed that more and more people are making the choice to befriend based on "what" against "who". Often I will run into folk in my everyday life who make no move to get to know me until they find out what I do... then they gush and fall all over themselves. (And really... what I do is not that amazing.) It's funny in a pathetic way.

Is this "civilization" moving so fast that even in our personal lives we set up an interview process to choose our friends and lovers? It's like the "conditional laundry list" that many people make in choosing a date or a potential life partner... and then wonder why it didn't work out. Of course, I understand that initial attraction is based on superficial factors but have we become so jaded and unwilling to allow life to surprise us? What happened to the adventure of spontaneity? What happened to the value of the individual? How much are these decisions inflicting our own lives?

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21 Responses to “Friday the 13th ... so who is lecram?”

  1. Blogger the_mrs 

    Wonderful post. I couldn't agree more. I actually have nothing to add to that! But I just thought it was so true...

  2. Blogger lecram sinun 

    the_mrs - sad, but it is, isn't it?

  3. Blogger Deadly Female 

    Thought provoking, Lecram, very thought provoking.

    The type of work I do leads people to me because of 'what' I am. I'm a novelty, a little left of centre and that initially draws in people. It has made me cautious in real life platonic relationships because there is often a hidden agenda which materialises when they people think they have got to know me enough to make that agenda known. It's hard because their hidden agenda can often compromise our friendship. So as a consequence, I keep people just far enough at arms length and there's only one or two very close friends that I trust enough to know that it's me they value and not my job.

    You've made me think, Lecram, thanks for that.

  4. Blogger Trojan 

    Such a splendid post. Our society has turned quite shallow, not that it wasn't shallow to begin with.I've landed a few gigs just based on my looks but the ones I truly relish are the gigs based on talent, personality and hard work. Really having to prove yourself and succeeding is a much bigger glory than getting it handed to you on a silver platter.

  5. Anonymous The Virgin 

    I always wonder if people are attracted to the 'what' of us or the 'who' of us. But then I have to take it a bit father. Is the 'what' I am showing others really representative of the 'who' I am. Do I only portray what I think people will be attracted to or do I let the real me shine though. I think we as a society have to guard ourselves because spontaneity is taken advantage of and people get used and hurt.

    Definately thought provoking.

    I have to go to the show tonight but I'll stop by the usual spot prior to the show and say hi. maybe we can talk about this idea more over a scotch...

  6. Blogger MamaKBear 

    Just so you know, I like you for the "you", the one that you are on here anyway. The fact that you write and direct plays is no bearing on that in my case. It is a bonus, since I do love plays...always have, always will.

  7. Blogger lecram sinun 

    DF - I hear you and I can relate. I myself have always been a bit of a freak show as well. LOL! Though I have learned over the years to spot agendas fairly well.

    trojan - I know that feeling well. On a professional level my greatest kick is sitting in the middle of an audience experiencing my work without them knowing me from Adam. I find the disattachment (if that is a word) between my work and self to be the most satisfying.

    the virgin - it's a given that we put on "different faces" in various social situations... and you've hit the mark on pointing out our own responsibility of how we present ourselves to the world.

    MamaKBear - Thank You! :) It's one of the things I like about blogging. Though I've realized of late that through my blog I've revealed more of myself than I originally intended to... but without regret.

  8. Blogger airplanejayne 

    Interview?!?!? Was there an interview I missed?!!? I jus somehow found my way into this crazy Roguish (sp?) bunch.....

    Okay, okay, I linebacked my way in, dammit.....

    But I do value you for you..... and the BigLots trips!!!

    APj
    :)

  9. Blogger Tricia 

    It's all about passion my friend.
    Passionate people are attractive to others because some of that passion tends to rub off.

    At least that's what attracts me.
    I am passionate also.

    I also tend to be a bit hot-headed and tempestuous... but we'll just call that passionate too, umkay?

  10. Blogger scarysquirrelman 

    you're a playwrite? wow, i find that very sexy.

  11. Blogger Spider Walk 

    Finally I am able to get into your box...your comment box that is :)

    Too many comments on HNT for me to get it to load. Anyways...great HNT picture....I love your sexy tummy, and ADORE your sexy hands ;)

    I know exactly the kind of people you speak of. They are sad, and sorry folks. It's impossible to see past their "fakeness" for lack of better words.

    I am really enjoying your blog, and can't wait to come back on a free morning and devour it.

    Peace,
    SW

  12. Anonymous steph 

    oh, I think you're being too hard on people. We really don't know each other except for what we do, but that doesn't diminish my appreciation for you, my loyalty to you and your work, and my sincere enjoyment of the time we spend together as co-workers and good acquaintances.

    But really, a person is only going to have 5-8 great friends in their life, and maybe only 10-12 others who they really have time to get to know deeply. In an entire life.

    But none of this diminishes how much I enjoy the other people in my life, the ones I know and care about because we work together, or play together, or just sleep together, or just banter together, or just watch movies together, or just flirt when we see each other out, etc.

    Those people are important as well. You can't take your good friends for granted, and you can't blame some for initially knowing you because of what you do...and eventually you decide if you're going to let those people in deeper.

    Level to level, you let them in, and they let you in...and eventually, if you have the time, energy and desire, they become longtime lovers (like SSM is for you).

    And the rest? We're just admirers and respectful observers, and we'll be at your funeral, crying as hard as anyone...while your true friends say nasty things about how we never REALLY cared about the real 'you,' like THEY did.

    Whatever. It matters. I only have about 3 great friends who really know me, but I treasure those other people as well. And I know you do, too.

    Society isn't shallow, Trojan...it's just practical. And I didn't hear you turning down those gigs you got just cuz of your good looks, now did I?

    Appreciate all of the circles of friends...they all serve their purpose. Except for SSM...whose sole purpose is sexual.

    And now, let's all sing together, shall we? "Coco-nut Club is clo-ohsed, Coconut Club is clo-osed. Yippee!!"

  13. Blogger Lance 

    I am not a celebrity, My few claim to fames were playing college basketball, and being a chief pilot of a small company. Notariety follows with accomplishment, and talent. Filtering through peoples intent is something that we all must do. I think I am more parnoid about intent then most people, as I have been burned a few times. It would be nice if we could set up a boot camp to make sure people were true to their word and commited.

  14. Blogger D'Andre 

    I read your writings and what this tells me is that you are happy, content, know and love who you are as a person. For the vast majority of society, they are not at that point in their lives. So that forces them to create themselves by who they associate with professionally and personally... Don't let it hold space in your brain or heart...

  15. Blogger lecram sinun 

    airplanejayne - and I'm doing a BiGLots trip today.

    Tricia - yes, passion can be very attractive.

    scarysquirrelman - "playwright" was spelt wrong... and should be capitalized... and "sexy" should be in bold caps followed by no less than 3 exclamation points! LOL!

    Spider Walk - Thanks for enjoying the blog. :)

    steph - all good points. It's true that one's true friends are few. Perhaps mine was a bad illustration... but one does have to admit there seems to be more "commoditization" of an individual than there use to. Sort of like "racial profiling."

    lance - I think it cuts across all quarters and professions. Does it seem like a lot more people were good to their word in the past than the present? It does to me.

    D'Andre - part of the reason I've been thinking about it is that I'm currently working on a project that spans several generations... and there seems to be a stark contrast emerging.

  16. Blogger Marie 

    This is a good topic. I've thought about this many times myself. I think you are right in that in a way most of us are conditioned to almost screen people before making an attempt to know what is below the surface. I have been guilty of this, definitely. But I also can recall very specific times when I did not take that approach.

    It was with someone whom I dated, and am currently still friends with, had asked me a week after we had met why I didn't ask what he did for a living. And honestly, that's one of the first things people (including myself) typically ask when you take part in "ice breaker" conversation. But when I met him for the very first time, there was something about him and his personality that was incredibly warm and genuine right off the bat. I asked more questions about him, his interests, etc. I didn't really think about what he did for a living. That totally shocked him. I can see why in a way. hehe

    Anyway, thank you for the great post. And by the way, I did not know until now that you are a Playwright. :)

  17. Blogger lecram sinun 

    marie - Glad to know that someone is throwing the dice of life! :)

  18. Blogger lime 

    i'm kind of a mass of contradictions. it is always odd if someone actually takes the time to get to know who ireally am as opposed to what they seem to think based on all sorts of externals. they are usually shocked.....not gonna say if it is good or bad shock. but it always amazes me how narrow ppl's preconceived notions are.

  19. Blogger KFarmer 

    My circle of friends is just that and I adore them all.

    Its not that hard to join either. All you have to do is be kind, not lie, steal or cheat me. It's all part of the Big 10.

  20. Blogger dusty 

    Our world is made up of 45 second soundbites..

    We are taught that selfullfillment is number one..even if it is fleeting and so self-obsessed its disgusting.

    Our world is judged by what we look like not who we really are inside.

    The internet "relationships" are great, they are made many times without either party knowing what the other one looks like. Looks are not valued first, substance and intelligence is.

    Real Life should be more like Internet Life.

    but it never will....

  21. Blogger Maverick 

    Very guilty! I guess we all just have ideas in *our own heads* of what people are supposed to be, based on their titles. I'm trying to leave the titles behind now.

    Shriekback


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