Da Blogs Da Thang: HNT # 8 - Half-Nekkid NOIR

HNT # 8 - Half-Nekkid NOIR

Published Wednesday, September 21, 2005 by lecram sinun | E-mail this post

I'll be attempting an "audience participation" HNT this week. (Warned you I'm a theatre person, didn't I?)

What is HNT? Click on the nifty button on the sidebar to find out.

To enjoy the full effect of this you need to:
1. Click the music on.
2. Read the post out loud in a detective noir style. Guys try your best Humphry Bogart, ladies... try your best sulty Kathleen Turner.

If it doesn't play "click here. A new window will open for the music.

THE PITH DETECTIVE in HNT NOIR

It was one of those late Summer afternoons when the mating habits of flies on a crusty canine turd seemed like the only game worth laying bets on. The only thing on my pith encased mind was a HNT post that was due and I didn't have a doodle of an idea what slimy form this week would take.

I was sippin a vodka mango between puffs of a coffin nail when I eyeballed her slow, swaying bounce saunter up my driveway. She was built like a guitar waiting to be strummed by a one handed gypsy who worked nights in a piston factory. The curvy shadow at the door knocked twice and let herself in.

"I want in on this HNT thing." she purred from her smoky lips. The moment I heard that I knew this "demando doll" was more trouble with a capital T and looking for more.

"Not so fast, sweet cheeks. What makes you think I have any idea what you're talking about?" She sat down and the surly upturned curve from the corners her ruby pucker suckers told me she knew. She grabbed one of my Javanese shadow puppets and toyed with it like a blind rabbit playing a skunk in heat.

"I've seen your "thang" on Osbasso's list."

"My thang?"

"On Osbasso's list. I want in."

She of course was talking about that Maverick from Montana who ran the slickest skin sensation this side of Harry Connick's junior. She knew that I knew that she had me by the curly-q-fries in hot boiling lard but I still wasn't gonna roll over like a five dollar hooker with a ten dollar habit.

"O.K. suger thighs, what do you have to show for it?"

She whipped off her silky pink blouse like a Siamese schucking mangos on the Mekong.

"How about these?" she teased, working the smoke maker between her fingers like a busty latina rolling the tightest chimichanga in a 99 cent border cantina. "I want to see what you got to show, big boy... and I want it in color!"

I warned her, "It's long and it's dark."

"Go ahead. I like being scared." she mocked.

I took it off and let it down. I turned to look and her full rubies quivered like a bowl of jello in an old folks home. She thought I was some surburban palooka with a hankering for a champagne colored SUV but found an orangutan in 501's instead.

All she could say was, "What conditioner do you use?" It was over and she broke.

But her breaking broke me. This old boy scout was about to learn some new knots to tie and some new tents to pup.

When it was over we were done and the score was even. She walked away into the evening leaving this shmoe wanting for more.

So, it goes. It's a crazy business but someones got to do it. As she faded off down the driveway I heard her say, "Happy HNT, hair man."

Special thanks to my friend Dragonfly for joining me this week.

60 Responses to “HNT # 8 - Half-Nekkid NOIR”

Robin Alexa on September 21, 2005 8:57 PM

That's great! I love the hands picture!!!!

And as always the music really sets the mood.
Unknown on September 21, 2005 9:14 PM

Nice Post, Great Pic's! ~Happy HNT~
Cece Martinez on September 21, 2005 9:21 PM

HOLY...
That was so awesome. I LOVED it. I'm sitting here like...totally wowed. Okay I gotta move now so Roy can check this out!
You're a freaking GENIUS.
Cece Martinez on September 21, 2005 9:21 PM

Oh! and Happy HNT!
Osbasso on September 21, 2005 9:24 PM

That is SO perfect in the genre! And plenty of half-nekkidness to go around, too! Again, probably the artsiest HNTer around! Good stuff! And who's the guitarist? I like it!

So are you leavin' your heart in SF? Never been there, but really need to some day....
BTExpress on September 21, 2005 9:24 PM

This is the best one yet! Great job!
CheekyMoo on September 21, 2005 9:26 PM

I think this is my favorite of yours yet.

But I think I feel that way every week.

Very very creative!
HS on September 21, 2005 9:29 PM

You always go above and beyond the call of HNT and I love it! GReat job once again, you're always creative!
Belly on September 21, 2005 9:42 PM

Wow! and Bravo even.

Nicely done - perhaps my favorite to date.
(what is the music?)

Happy HNT!
Tracey on September 21, 2005 9:43 PM

Damn...very creative! Happy HNT!
The Funky Bee on September 21, 2005 9:48 PM

That was brilliant Lecram! So creative. The pictures and the writing were amazing and the music was a great touch!!

I am so impressed. You are clearly a very talented man!
... on September 21, 2005 10:27 PM

i don't even know where to begin - the names are freakin priceless... you are a genius! happy hnt!

hodju - this has to mean something in another language
Margaret on September 21, 2005 10:28 PM

this is so damn cool... :)

peace...
Mellissa on September 21, 2005 10:37 PM

You are THE most creative of all. I love your HNT posts - photos, stories and all. Mini Theatre. Well done - bravo.

Happy HNT!!!!

Mellissa

P.S. Thank you so much always for the lovely comments you leave as presents for me.
Stephanie on September 21, 2005 11:09 PM

Very cool pics!!

Happy HNT!!!
Tish on September 21, 2005 11:12 PM

LOL, I love it!!! You'll definitely get a mention in my post-HNT blog tomorrow. hehe. This is so original! Happy HNT!
Schadeboy on September 21, 2005 11:23 PM

Dude! That...was...awesome! Very creative. Good work.

Happy HNT!
Trashed on September 21, 2005 11:26 PM

What conditioner do you use, indeed !!! I'm lookin' for that falcon - its got to be in there somewhere.
Heather on September 22, 2005 4:15 AM

Lecram, that may be my most favoritest HNT post ever. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. You're really upping the game! Great job!
Unknown on September 22, 2005 4:32 AM

Oh, the bar has been raised WAY up for HNT! Great job!
patrickteoh on September 22, 2005 4:59 AM

I thought I'd the first one here to say it but someone has beaten me to it. I'll say it anyway. You're a F***ING Genius, Lecram.

"She was built like a guitar waiting to be strummed by a one handed gypsy who worked nights in a piston factory." This is going to be a classic line from the movie of this week's HNT.
cmhl on September 22, 2005 5:36 AM

excellent!!!
aughra on September 22, 2005 5:53 AM

THAT IS THE BEST HNT POST EVER!!!!!
The Diva ♥ on September 22, 2005 6:10 AM

wow it just keeps getting better from u and u know how to inspire me. kuddos!
happy hnt :)
lecram sinun on September 22, 2005 6:15 AM

binsk - glad you liked it.

krista - glad you liked it too!

cece - each of you can take turns doing lines from it.

OS - I leave my heart every time I go there.

OS & belly - stanley jordan doing a miles tune " freddie freeloader."

btexpress - thanks!

cheekymoo, hs, tracey, the funky bee, monkey, mrs.t, my mothers daughter, snavylyn, schadeboy, blogger unknown, heather, might be david, cmhl, aughra - thank you!

addict - it'll be our secret.

femi-mommy - hodju?

mellissa - the world's a stage, isn't it?

trashed - ivory. it's under the computer table.

patrickteoh - glad you liked it... had fun doing it.

blue1aqua1 - you flatter me so.
min on September 22, 2005 6:17 AM

So creative you are!
Deadly Female on September 22, 2005 6:26 AM

So clever - I am in awe
KFarmer on September 22, 2005 6:38 AM

Applause (clap, clap, clap) Ahhhhhhhhhh! (the roar of the crowd) Encore, Encore!
Bsoholic on September 22, 2005 6:54 AM

Thats awesome! Happy HNT!!!
~art on September 22, 2005 7:04 AM

Excellant as always
deconstructionist on September 22, 2005 7:26 AM

You are truly an artist -- congratulations and please, please, please keep writing/creating/shooting photos. Happy HNT!
Calvin on September 22, 2005 7:27 AM

wow! that was amazing! i loved reading that! you set the mood perfectly.. awesome, simply awesome! :-)
Lelly on September 22, 2005 7:31 AM

Hey, Hair Man...you definitely have too much time on your hands! :-)Whereas time for me hangs as heavy as the belly of a woman 2 weeks overdue with quads. The cat is hard-wired into a drip at the vet's, strangers keep wandering in and out of our unnaturally tidy home (yes, its up for sale) and I am struggling to inject some enthusiam into a presentation for which I will be paid ziltch, nada, not a fuckin' bean. Oh, and I've developed a wheat intolerance (like I REALLY need to cut out cakes from my life right now) But am I down-hearted???...well yes, actually. So the last thing I need is the effort of putting an HNT post together which gets about a fifth of the interest that yours generates. Which is brilliant as usual, Cuz...a-fuckin-mazing!
Robert van de Walle on September 22, 2005 7:40 AM

two snaps!
JHGagle on September 22, 2005 8:07 AM

Awesome HNT man...you never cease to amaze. Keep it up! Happy HNT!
Fig on September 22, 2005 8:51 AM

Damn you're good! That was so awesome...
what WILL you do next?

Happy HNT;)
Anonymous on September 22, 2005 9:58 AM

Awesome!
"She was built like a guitar waiting to be strummed by a one handed gypsy who worked nights in a piston factory" LMAO!!!
An Instant Classic!
FatMike
(http://fatmike.blogspot.com)
warcrygirl on September 22, 2005 10:34 AM

OMG that was GREAT! Happy HNT!
Anonymous on September 22, 2005 10:53 AM

amazing!! you rule hnt this week!!!
Crunchy Domestic Goddess on September 22, 2005 12:20 PM

wow! awesome post and pics as always.
happy hnt!
Thomcat on September 22, 2005 12:42 PM

ingenious ! i love the noir hnt setting ! kudos and cheers !
clara* on September 22, 2005 12:49 PM

man that really makes me want a smoke.. happy hnt!
FC on September 22, 2005 1:27 PM

Very Nicely Done!!!Bravo!!
MomThatsNuts on September 22, 2005 1:33 PM

Awesome!!! Great hands...love it!

Mom
Spinning Girl on September 22, 2005 2:24 PM

oooh! a new spin on HNT.
Debi on September 22, 2005 2:44 PM

That's so awesome! I really like the "smokey Lips" photo, very intriguing. Happy HNT:)
Michelle on September 22, 2005 3:17 PM

Oh wow. You are truly an artist. That was over and above any HNT post I have read so far. The pictures were so expressive. Perfect.
Anonymous on September 22, 2005 4:27 PM

lecram: you're *such* an entertainer! Fab!
Dr.Philomena on September 22, 2005 4:36 PM

That was fantastic! Happy HNT!
Elizabeth on September 22, 2005 5:18 PM

that was awesome, I didn't read it aloud, but I definately had the voice going in my head. nice work, happy HNT
Jada on September 22, 2005 5:51 PM

Wow! I am so impressed! I will be back. Happy HNT!
Robin on September 22, 2005 6:02 PM

The smoke with the breasts...VERY NICE!
You rocked out HNT this week. Congrats!
katehopeeden on September 22, 2005 7:02 PM

Very interesting! Happy HNT!
~K
Unknown on September 22, 2005 7:05 PM

Great post! So creative!

Happy HNT!
lecram sinun on September 22, 2005 7:14 PM

min, deadlyfemale, bsoholic, art, s!, robert van de walle, mrzmyrmtthws, lily, opaco, fatmike, warcrygirl, julia, shay v, nettie b, amygeekgrl, thomcat 13, no puzzy 4 u, cindy, momthatsnuts, spinning girl, goobergirl, michelle, dr.philomena, the jade, robin

thank you! :) i had fun doing it.

kfarmer - bow, bow...

deconstructionist - i will certainly try.

Lelly - hoping things will even out soon. keep that chin up, cuz.

ms. bees - you are pretty fab yourself.

Lizabeth - just try it once... you may like it... lol!
Anonymous on September 22, 2005 7:35 PM

Mine now feels so inadequate. ;) Happy HNT!!
Beth on September 22, 2005 7:47 PM

Mmmm, nice photos! Happy HNT!!!
Rose-Colored Beer Goggles on September 22, 2005 9:05 PM

Might be David is right on - you raised the bar. I leave here wanting a martini.
ago-go on September 22, 2005 11:15 PM

you rock!
Grandma Lola on September 23, 2005 8:49 AM

Hey, thanks for stopping by my place. Great pics and post! Happy HNT!