HNT # 8 - Half-Nekkid NOIR


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I'll be attempting an "audience participation" HNT this week. (Warned you I'm a theatre person, didn't I?)

What is HNT? Click on the nifty button on the sidebar to find out.

To enjoy the full effect of this you need to:
1. Click the music on.
2. Read the post out loud in a detective noir style. Guys try your best Humphry Bogart, ladies... try your best sulty Kathleen Turner.





If it doesn't play "click here. A new window will open for the music.

THE PITH DETECTIVE in HNT NOIR
It was one of those late Summer afternoons when the mating habits of flies on a crusty canine turd seemed like the only game worth laying bets on. The only thing on my pith encased mind was a HNT post that was due and I didn't have a doodle of an idea what slimy form this week would take.

I was sippin a vodka mango between puffs of a coffin nail when I eyeballed her slow, swaying bounce saunter up my driveway. She was built like a guitar waiting to be strummed by a one handed gypsy who worked nights in a piston factory. The curvy shadow at the door knocked twice and let herself in.
"I want in on this HNT thing." she purred from her smoky lips. The moment I heard that I knew this "demando doll" was more trouble with a capital T and looking for more.

"Not so fast, sweet cheeks. What makes you think I have any idea what you're talking about?" She sat down and the surly upturned curve from the corners her ruby pucker suckers told me she knew. She grabbed one of my Javanese shadow puppets and toyed with it like a blind rabbit playing a skunk in heat.

"I've seen your "thang" on Osbasso's list."

"My thang?"

"On Osbasso's list. I want in."

She of course was talking about that Maverick from Montana who ran the slickest skin sensation this side of Harry Connick's junior. She knew that I knew that she had me by the curly-q-fries in hot boiling lard but I still wasn't gonna roll over like a five dollar hooker with a ten dollar habit.

"O.K. suger thighs, what do you have to show for it?"

She whipped off her silky pink blouse like a Siamese schucking mangos on the Mekong.

"How about these?" she teased, working the smoke maker between her fingers like a busty latina rolling the tightest chimichanga in a 99 cent border cantina. "I want to see what you got to show, big boy... and I want it in color!"

I warned her, "It's long and it's dark."

"Go ahead. I like being scared." she mocked.

I took it off and let it down. I turned to look and her full rubies quivered like a bowl of jello in an old folks home. She thought I was some surburban palooka with a hankering for a champagne colored SUV but found an orangutan in 501's instead.

All she could say was, "What conditioner do you use?" It was over and she broke.

But her breaking broke me. This old boy scout was about to learn some new knots to tie and some new tents to pup.

When it was over we were done and the score was even. She walked away into the evening leaving this shmoe wanting for more. So, it goes. It's a crazy business but someones got to do it. As she faded off down the driveway I heard her say, "Happy HNT, hair man."

Special thanks to my friend Dragonfly for joining me this week.


71 Responses to “HNT # 8 - Half-Nekkid NOIR”

  1. Blogger Binsk 

    That's great! I love the hands picture!!!!

    And as always the music really sets the mood.

  2. Blogger Ristak 

    Nice Post, Great Pic's! ~Happy HNT~

  3. Blogger Cece 

    HOLY...
    That was so awesome. I LOVED it. I'm sitting here like...totally wowed. Okay I gotta move now so Roy can check this out!
    You're a freaking GENIUS.

  4. Blogger Cece 

    Oh! and Happy HNT!

  5. Blogger Osbasso 

    That is SO perfect in the genre! And plenty of half-nekkidness to go around, too! Again, probably the artsiest HNTer around! Good stuff! And who's the guitarist? I like it!

    So are you leavin' your heart in SF? Never been there, but really need to some day....

  6. Blogger BTExpress 

    This is the best one yet! Great job!

  7. Blogger CheekyMoo 

    I think this is my favorite of yours yet.

    But I think I feel that way every week.

    Very very creative!

  8. Blogger HS 

    You always go above and beyond the call of HNT and I love it! GReat job once again, you're always creative!

  9. Blogger addict 

    I try not to have favorites... but you are my favorite
    (shhhhh...)

  10. Blogger Belly 

    Wow! and Bravo even.

    Nicely done - perhaps my favorite to date.
    (what is the music?)

    Happy HNT!

  11. Blogger Tracey 

    Damn...very creative! Happy HNT!

  12. Blogger The Funky Bee 

    That was brilliant Lecram! So creative. The pictures and the writing were amazing and the music was a great touch!!

    I am so impressed. You are clearly a very talented man!

  13. Blogger Femi-mommy 

    i don't even know where to begin - the names are freakin priceless... you are a genius! happy hnt!

    hodju - this has to mean something in another language

  14. Blogger littlefeet 

    this is so damn cool... :)

    peace...

  15. Blogger Mellissa 

    You are THE most creative of all. I love your HNT posts - photos, stories and all. Mini Theatre. Well done - bravo.

    Happy HNT!!!!

    Mellissa

    P.S. Thank you so much always for the lovely comments you leave as presents for me.

  16. Blogger Mrs.T 

    neat photo's!!

    Happy HNT

  17. Blogger *My_mothers_daughter* 

    great pic's happy hnt

  18. Blogger snavy 

    Very cool pics!!

    Happy HNT!!!

  19. Blogger Tish 

    LOL, I love it!!! You'll definitely get a mention in my post-HNT blog tomorrow. hehe. This is so original! Happy HNT!

  20. Blogger Schadeboy 

    Dude! That...was...awesome! Very creative. Good work.

    Happy HNT!

  21. Blogger Trashed 

    What conditioner do you use, indeed !!! I'm lookin' for that falcon - its got to be in there somewhere.

  22. Blogger A.K.A.B.U. 

    sweet

  23. Blogger Heather 

    Lecram, that may be my most favoritest HNT post ever. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. You're really upping the game! Great job!

  24. Blogger David 

    Oh, the bar has been raised WAY up for HNT! Great job!

  25. Blogger patrickteoh 

    I thought I'd the first one here to say it but someone has beaten me to it. I'll say it anyway. You're a F***ING Genius, Lecram.

    "She was built like a guitar waiting to be strummed by a one handed gypsy who worked nights in a piston factory." This is going to be a classic line from the movie of this week's HNT.

  26. Blogger cmhl 

    excellent!!!

  27. Blogger aughra 

    THAT IS THE BEST HNT POST EVER!!!!!

  28. Blogger blue1aqua1 

    wow it just keeps getting better from u and u know how to inspire me. kuddos!
    happy hnt :)

  29. Blogger lecram sinun 

    binsk - glad you liked it.

    krista - glad you liked it too!

    cece - each of you can take turns doing lines from it.

    OS - I leave my heart every time I go there.

    OS & belly - stanley jordan doing a miles tune " freddie freeloader."

    btexpress - thanks!

    cheekymoo, hs, tracey, the funky bee, monkey, mrs.t, my mothers daughter, snavylyn, schadeboy, blogger unknown, heather, might be david, cmhl, aughra - thank you!

    addict - it'll be our secret.

    femi-mommy - hodju?

    mellissa - the world's a stage, isn't it?

    trashed - ivory. it's under the computer table.

    patrickteoh - glad you liked it... had fun doing it.

    blue1aqua1 - you flatter me so.

  30. Blogger min 

    So creative you are!

  31. Blogger Deadly Female 

    So clever - I am in awe

  32. Blogger KFarmer 

    Applause (clap, clap, clap) Ahhhhhhhhhh! (the roar of the crowd) Encore, Encore!

  33. Blogger bsoholic 

    Thats awesome! Happy HNT!!!

  34. Blogger art 

    Excellant as always

  35. Blogger deconstructionist 

    You are truly an artist -- congratulations and please, please, please keep writing/creating/shooting photos. Happy HNT!

  36. Blogger s! 

    wow! that was amazing! i loved reading that! you set the mood perfectly.. awesome, simply awesome! :-)

  37. Blogger Lelly 

    Hey, Hair Man...you definitely have too much time on your hands! :-)Whereas time for me hangs as heavy as the belly of a woman 2 weeks overdue with quads. The cat is hard-wired into a drip at the vet's, strangers keep wandering in and out of our unnaturally tidy home (yes, its up for sale) and I am struggling to inject some enthusiam into a presentation for which I will be paid ziltch, nada, not a fuckin' bean. Oh, and I've developed a wheat intolerance (like I REALLY need to cut out cakes from my life right now) But am I down-hearted???...well yes, actually. So the last thing I need is the effort of putting an HNT post together which gets about a fifth of the interest that yours generates. Which is brilliant as usual, Cuz...a-fuckin-mazing!

  38. Blogger Robert van de Walle 

    two snaps!

  39. Blogger Mrzmyrmtthws 

    Awesome HNT man...you never cease to amaze. Keep it up! Happy HNT!

  40. Blogger Lily 

    Damn you're good! That was so awesome...
    what WILL you do next?

    Happy HNT;)

  41. Blogger Opaco 

    you do the best ever HNT posts. seriously. badass.

    happy HNT!

  42. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Awesome!
    "She was built like a guitar waiting to be strummed by a one handed gypsy who worked nights in a piston factory" LMAO!!!
    An Instant Classic!
    FatMike
    (http://fatmike.blogspot.com)

  43. Blogger warcrygirl 

    OMG that was GREAT! Happy HNT!

  44. Anonymous julia 

    amazing!! you rule hnt this week!!!

  45. Blogger Mimi 

    Ok, you win this week. That was highly entertaining and orignal!!

    I'm looking forward to next week!

  46. Blogger shay v. 

    very noir. hot. sexy. momma like. happy hnt. you are inspiring!

  47. Blogger Nettie B 

    Your posts are always so creative! Awesome :) Happy HNT.

  48. Blogger amygeekgrl 

    wow! awesome post and pics as always.
    happy hnt!

  49. Blogger Thomcat 

    ingenious ! i love the noir hnt setting ! kudos and cheers !

  50. Blogger clara* 

    man that really makes me want a smoke.. happy hnt!

  51. Blogger Camy Leon 

    OOH! Very film noir... err, Blog Noir... uhh, HNT NOIR???
    IDK?
    I like it though. You are too funny.

    Thanks for the sweet visit.

  52. Blogger Sindy 

    Very Nicely Done!!!Bravo!!

  53. Blogger MomThatsNuts 

    Awesome!!! Great hands...love it!

    Mom

  54. Blogger Spinning Girl 

    oooh! a new spin on HNT.

  55. Blogger goobergirl 

    That's so awesome! I really like the "smokey Lips" photo, very intriguing. Happy HNT:)

  56. Blogger Michelle 

    Oh wow. You are truly an artist. That was over and above any HNT post I have read so far. The pictures were so expressive. Perfect.

  57. Blogger Ms Bees Knees 

    lecram: you're *such* an entertainer! Fab!

  58. Blogger Dr.Philomena 

    That was fantastic! Happy HNT!

  59. Blogger Lizabeth 

    that was awesome, I didn't read it aloud, but I definately had the voice going in my head. nice work, happy HNT

  60. Blogger Jada 

    Wow! I am so impressed! I will be back. Happy HNT!

  61. Blogger FunkyB 

    The smoke with the breasts...VERY NICE!
    You rocked out HNT this week. Congrats!

  62. Blogger katehopeeden 

    Very interesting! Happy HNT!
    ~K

  63. Blogger kb 

    Great post! So creative!

    Happy HNT!

  64. Blogger lecram sinun 

    min, deadlyfemale, bsoholic, art, s!, robert van de walle, mrzmyrmtthws, lily, opaco, fatmike, warcrygirl, julia, shay v, nettie b, amygeekgrl, thomcat 13, no puzzy 4 u, cindy, momthatsnuts, spinning girl, goobergirl, michelle, dr.philomena, the jade, robin

    thank you! :) i had fun doing it.

    kfarmer - bow, bow...

    deconstructionist - i will certainly try.

    Lelly - hoping things will even out soon. keep that chin up, cuz.

    ms. bees - you are pretty fab yourself.

    Lizabeth - just try it once... you may like it... lol!

  65. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Mine now feels so inadequate. ;) Happy HNT!!

  66. Blogger Queen of Ass 

    Mmmm, nice photos! Happy HNT!!!

  67. Blogger Rose-Colored Beer Goggles 

    Might be David is right on - you raised the bar. I leave here wanting a martini.

  68. Blogger ago-go 

    you rock!

  69. Blogger Chris 

    Hey, thanks for stopping by my place. Great pics and post! Happy HNT!

  70. Blogger Jenny 

    That was awesome! I am never disappointed when I check out your HNT!!! (Sorry, I'm a little late---didn't have time to go see all the HNT's yesterday)

  71. Blogger MacManus 

    Awesome as usual my man.


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