Excerpt from another play - a long post

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WOO: I see you haven't lost your touch Miss Marlin.

MAXIE: Sydney, Sydney Woo... and Frankie!

FRANKIE: Wrong time no see, Miss Marrin!

MAXIE: I see you're still struggling with that awful R and L substitution, Frankie.


MAXIE: (DOWN) It was that Chinese lizard Sydney Woo Fei Loh and his trusty gecko Frankie Kwai Chee Chak--- both formally of San Francisco's slimy underworld. Sydney was a known white slave trader who was deported a few years back---for smuggling live monkeys into the country. (UP) Sydney, I thought you were exiled to Macao.

WOO: No thanks to you. But enough about me...what brings you to the island of Singapore?

MAXIE: My passport is not forged has my actual name on it. Do the authorities know you're here?

WOO: Singapore is a free port Miss Marlin. Businessmen from all over the world are welcomed here.

FRANKIE: Yes, Miss Marrin...this week we have big businessmen flom arr ove South East Asia...

WOO: Shuttup Frankie!

FRANKIE: Solly, Boss.

MAXIE: So, Sydney, still trading in Monkeys or have you run out of relatives to sell?

WOO: Very witty Miss Marlin...Very witty, indeed. But you are no longer in America so, I would be careful with my wit if I were you.

FRANKIE: Yes, Miss Marrin...Vely Cearfur indeed.

WOO: Mysterious things have a tendency of occurring in the Orient. Unexplained disappearances leaving more questions than answers.

MAXIE: Did I just hear a threat?

WOO: A threat? I was merely suggesting the return of a favor.

MAXIE: What favor?

WOO: A favor you owe me. After all you were instrumental in my apprehension and subsequent deportation from the land of the free.

MAXIE: Half the police force in the city of San Francisco was instrumental in your deportation Sydney... including my father. Do they all owe you favors?

WOO: I collect when the opportunities avail themselves.

FRANKIE: Rike now!

WOO: Your testimony was very damaging and we do so miss San Fransisco...

FRANKIE: (singing) "I reft my heart in San Flansisco...."

WOO: Shuttup Frankie....Sorry Miss Marlin… it's too much damn kereoke!

MAXIE: I'm touched... but you brought that on yourself, Sydney.

WOO: I beg to differ...

MAXIE: Beg all you want. It doesn't change a thing. I owe you nothing.

WOO: I'm disappointed. The daughter of the reputable Captain John Marlin refuses to honor a favor. It would break his heart to know this...as much as it broke his heart when you left the force for... private practice.

FRANKIE: Shame, shame, shame, Miss Marrin.

WOO: I have always been curious about the circumstances surrounding your untimely … retirement from the San Francisco Police Department.

FRANKIE: Were you a naughty gir, Miss Marrin? Your daddy no rike what you do?

MAXIE: Keep my father out of this!

WOO: But you were the one who brought him up. Despite our differences I respected your father. In fact, it was a favor I owed him that kept you alive to honor the favor you owe me today.

MAXIE: Nice try Sydney. The way I remember it, you blew your chance when your gun ran out of bullets.

WOO: The truth has many sides to it.

MAXIE: I like my side. Yours has too many holes.

WOO: Come now Miss Marlin, we go back a long way. Perhaps you could consider this favor...as a gift. Where is your Christmas spirit?

FRANKIE: (singing) "Deck the harrs wit boughs of horry...."

WOO: Oh, Shuttup! Besides, you’re Buddhist!

MAXIE: Christmas spirit? I’ve checked Santa's list and you've been very naughty. Sorry boys, no gift.

FRANKIE: Oh, too bad!

WOO: Frankie!

MAXIE: But, out of curiosity... just how would you suggest I pay back this so called favor?

WOO: You are a beautiful white American woman, Miss Marlin---a valuable commodity in this part of the world. In the spirit of the season...I was only suggesting you spread a little ...goodwill among some gentlemen I know.

MAXIE: Are these the same kind of gentlemen who would spoon the brains out of a live monkey's skull?

WOO: With a splash of brandy, it’s quite a delicacy.

MAXIE: Once a flesh monger...always a flesh monger, huh? I'm flattered Sydney, but you may have forgotten---I wasn't for sale then, and I'm not for sale now.

WOO: You may have forgotten, Miss Marlin---the commodity in this case never determines the buying or the selling.

FRANKIE: And you may have folgotten---there's two of us and onry one of you!

WOO: Good point, Frankie.

FRANKIE: Thank you, Boss.

WOO: So, lets not make a fuss and come quietly with us.

MAXIE: I would Sydney, but you may have forgotten one little detail---I know your little secret.

WOO: W...Whatever are you talking about Miss Marlin?

MAXIE: You know.. that little problem you have.

FRANKIE: Boss, I think she is talking about...

WOO: Shuttup Frankie! Problem? Problem...Miss Marlin? (Beginning to breathe hard.) It’s not a problem---It’s a condition!

MAXIE: You wouldn't want me to aggravate this... condition, would you?

WOO: (Breathing Hard.) You wouldn't Miss Marlin! Not here!


MAXIE: (DOWN) Now old Sydney had a curious...condition. For some strange reason he had an allergic reaction to women's underwear. Even the mere mention of an unmentionable would send him into a violent fit. Must be tough to be put down by something that should have given you a rise in the first place. (UP) Oh look, Sydney....a button just came undone off my blouse.

WOO: NO! NO! NOT THAT! (Beginning to wheeze)

FRANKIE: Crose youl eyes Boss! Miss Marrin! Have you no decency? In bload dayright---in the stleet?

MAXIE: A girl's got to do what a girls got to do. Besides he started it.

FRANKIE: But Miss Marrin....

MAXIE: Sydney, shall I tell you what I'm wearing under this blouse?

WOO: No! Please, NO! (Frantic Wheezing.) Don’t tell me anything!

MAXIE: Are you sure, Sydney? You know, when I got out of the shower this morning, I thought to myself… I want to feel comfortable and sexy for my tour of Singapore. What could I wear that would feel just… mmm… up against my bare skin. Then it came to me… why don’t I just slip into that little…

FRANKIE: No, Miss Marrin, Preese! Boss, quick cover your ears!

WOO: Shuttup Frankie!

FRANKIE: Yes, Boss!

MAXIE: Would you prefer if I show you?

SYDNEY: NO! PLEASE NO! (Sydney's wheezing is fast climbing to a crescendo.)

FRANKIE: I beg you Miss Marrin… Preese, No!

MAXIE: O.K. Sydney, I'll let you off this time. Like you said, it is Christmas. See? It’s buttoned again.

(Sydney's wheezing hits a crescendo and deflates with a shudder.)

excerpt from "THE CRIMSON COBRA" copyright 1993 Marcel Nunis

3 Responses to “Excerpt from another play - a long post”

  1. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Me Likee velly much!
    BTW where has your blogroll gone??

  2. Blogger Lelly 

    Dunno why my previous comment came up as anonymous??? Wass goin' on??

  3. Blogger lecram sinun 

    Probably just a hiccup.

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