I drop off some graphics at the printer today. Get back into the truck. Engage the gear. My foot goes down on the gas pedal. Nothing. I'm in a stupor. "It worked fine on the way here. Crap!" I look at the dashboard. Nothing is on. Then I notice that I have totally ignored to put the keys in the starter . Duh!

Go ahead... laugh! Just gonna be one of those days.

EDIT: I just thought about how I woke up this morning from a night's worth of "stress sleep". I hate that. Planning on pulling an "all-nighter" tonight just to get this graphic work out of my hair once and for all.

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If you are planning to turn up for the 2006 Rogue Performance Festival... here are some hotels/motels that are somewhat close to the venues in the Tower District. They are in different "comfort" and "affordability" ranges.

Sheraton Four Points Hotel
3737 N Blackstone Ave
Fresno, CA 93726
(559) 226-2200

Water Tree Inn Best Value
4141 N Blackstone Ave
Fresno, CA 93726
(800) 762-9071

Best Western Village Inn
3110 N Blackstone Ave,
Fresno, 93703
(559) 226-2110

Days Inn Fresno Ca
4061 N Blackstone Ave
FRESNO, CA, US 93726

Chateau Inn by Piccadilly Inns - Fresno
5113 East Mckinley Avenue,
Fresno, CA 93727

EDIT: And the answer is ... NO... I have not even begun writing my show yet! More snafus have stretched my involvement with graphic work until this Wednesday or Thursday. Any comments about that subject (my impending show) from this point will be ignored until it is (eventually) completed to my satisfaction. I know you wish me well... but I have enough self imposed pressure to make it happen. And when I'm ready to share the process with you... be assured that I will. cheers!

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To my friends EVERYWHERE...

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Koong Hei Fatt Choy!

Keong Hee Huat Chai!

Selamat Tahun Baru Cina!


It's the year of the dog... the year that I was born into. May it be a great one for all of you!

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Thank you all once again for dropping by for HNT. I'm still up to my eyeballs in work and it's going to be a long weekend. So don't expect much from me in a while. Right now I just want to curl up with some spicy Thai food and scotch while crying my eyes out watching ET... but there's still lots more to do ( and fast) in my insane dream factory. Have a good weekend y'all!

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O.K., O.K... none of this is me. It's actually the graphic I worked on for HNT @ the Rogue. Pretty classy affair, huh?

Anyway, if you haven't heard what we are up to yet... HNT is being featured as a gallery exhibit at Rogue 2006.

For details on how to get in on this... CLICK HERE!

To steal a banner for your blog/site... CLICK HERE!

If I can squeeze the time in while I continue working on graphics... I'll be surfing around tonight being a comment whore just so most of you will be privy to the info. Still up to my eyeballs in work for the Rogue.

Cheers and happy HNT!

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Due to a snafu I'll be splitting my days this week between regular work and graphic work. I am really hoping that I will be done soon because I will also have to transfer all of that to the website that should be up by Feb. 1! Oy! Got quite a bit done yesterday though. Onward and forward.

11:10 AM: It's already a harried day for me. Within the last hour I had to redo a graphic, and drop some videos off at another location... and this was my lunch hour! So, I haven't got anything to eat and I'm cranky. Once work is done I have a half hour break before I start up doing graphics again until 10 PM.

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In my last post I mentioned my students (All Too Real Players)... well here is the image they are using for their show "Junkerella". They are swinging by today at 1 PM to continue rehearsing and developing their show in my driveway.

My eyes were so fatigued that I hit the sack early last night. I've been up since the crack of dawn... must make hay while the sun shines. Although it is dank and foggy outside. lol! I have a presentation to make this evening on the Rogue at a reception at a new performance space that's opening up. So, that will cut into work time on the computer. I'm sure there is going to be food and drink involved... and that's always a bonus.

Rogue On!

EDIT! The "presentation" I thought went pretty well. I think I scared a few folk who were there... but in a good way. .. got them firing up the ole' noggin. LOL! (My opening line was " I apologise for getting here late... but I had to take a shower... and you'll be very glad that I did! I am" ) I had a good time.... the food was good... the drinks were O.K... I got to run into folk who finally clued in to what I do.ROFLMAO! If you missed the logic of this part... check this post!

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I'm google-eyed at the moment so I thought I'd post this. This will be the promo image that I'll be using for my show. I was too lazy to create something new so I thought I'd use my avitar instead... with a few modifications. Besides, there's a pith helmet in it!

My students, the All Too Real Players (who are also fielding a show in the Rogue) are presently in my driveway rehearsing their show. They do a "found objects puppetry"show called "Junkerella". This will be their third year in the festival.

OK.... back to work!

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It's been a hectic week and there is still a mountain of work to accomplish. I am really focusing on knocking it all out this weekend. This means that I'll be ill tempered and manic all weekend... but it will all get done. Then I plunge into writing, shaping and developing my own show for the Rogue.

You may or may not know that a small group of friends and I founded this festival 5 years ago. I have also been the producer (the last 2 years co-producing with Dr.O) since it began. This year will be my last in this position. It's time to let it go and step back to see if it can stand on it's own feet. It now belongs to the community at large.

The audience base has grown from 1200 the first year to an estimated 7000 this March. Performers and artists now fly in from international destinations to participate in it. Am I proud of it? Yes. But there are still miles to go before I sleep. It is still a small yet vibrant festival that will need support to continue it's life. I am proudest of those who have stepped up to make it so. There are miles to go before we sleep.

I'll be back when I can.


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EDIT: Sorry no HNT this week. I'm up to my eyeballs in Rogue work. Check out the post though... and the link... could bring you worldly fame! Cheers and Happy HNT!

Here is an example of the Rogue 2006 Banners & Buttons you can steal for your site/blog.

to see what else is available and to get the code for your own blog or site!

EDIT: Click here for more on HNT @ the Rogue

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Here is an email received yesterday... and my reply. Tog and I use to MC the scout troop campfires back home in Malaysia.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Hi Asshole!
From: Tog Tan

Hi! Hi! How u been doing? Its like what(?), 33 years since we lost contact.. Good to hear you are still bullshitting people from the stage now.

As for me, I took up a career in advertising photography, did well and then gave it up for a business of dealing with snakes. Kinda weird, ha? Somewhere along the way, I got married, produced a lovely daughter who is 20 yrs old now, and got my freedom back thru a divorce. U hitched? Or the females over your place have the intelligence to avoid ya?

The only shithead I kept in contact, though not constant, during all this time is Colin. Now he’s Dr. Colin as of 05. He hasn’t change a bit except for his loss of hair.

Oi..send me a pix of u, I wanna see how ugly u have matured into.. I will attach a pix of me for your insults, demeaning, dartboard or whatever your wretched mind wants to do with it.

I still feel its like yesterday with those darn campfires and what not. Mentally I don’t feel I have aged. Come to think of it, I will be 50 this year. As of this year and the coming ones I don’t have a solid plan yet cos at about this time in ‘05 I got very badly screwed in a project and actually lost every cent I had. Took me like a year to get me feet back on the ground again.
I have been offered a post as an advisor to a government snake facility. Still kinda skeptical about it. After 10 years of dealing with reptiles, I got a little tired from the diseases I catch from them. So for the time being I will be taking a much needed holiday to Bangkok from 18/1 to 25/1 with my daughter and her boyfriend. At the same time, I will be seeing my Thai girlfriend there.

So do drop me a line.
Oh by the way, since I went into the world, I been using my family nick name " Tog " its was really something when I heard people calling me by “Kong Liang” at the last ESG gathering which Chin Kee put together. There were only 4 of us from my time, ie., Andrew, Seong, Colin and me. Most of the time I kept muttering.. “hey.. I don’t think I know you.. .

So till I hear from the One Fin Fish, keep well and feel well..

Regards Tog Tan

-------- My Reply --------

Damn, man... yeah, it's been years. You have a 20 year old daughter??? They actually allowed you to breed? LOL! I'm sure she is a lovely girl.

Good to hear from you. Believe it or not you have crossed my mind (fleetingly) over the years! Good to know that you are alive and well. I've been busy. It always seems as if I'm starting from scratch... nature of the business but it keeps me on my toes. As for me... I've made a living doing theatre. Was married... not now … but we are still good friends. No kids... 4 dogs, a house and lots of bills. Started a festival a few years ago and it's taken off. Have my own theatre company... that I'm kicking up again this year. The best way to keep up with my exploits is http://sinun.blogspot.com ... you can actually leave comments too!

If you're still doing photography... you should get into the gallery component of the festival. David Lim is performing again this year... his third time... and quite the hit. It's in March... wanna come by?
Anyway... lets keep in constant touch.


p.s. Here is a collage that I posted on my blog at new years. Try to figure out which one I am... David is in a couple too!

Postscript: Tog recently discovered a new species of reptile on his adventures which is second in size to the Komodo Dragon of Indonesia. It will soon be officially named Varanus Togtani... after him. That and he remembered the "One Fin Fish" thing which I had totally forgotten!

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This post doesn't have anything to do with the superstitions or the movie... it just happens to fall on when I'm posting this.

The "so who is lecram?" part is something that I've been thinking about for the last 2 weeks. No, it's not some identity crisis that I'm going through but more of a meditation on the value of the individual.

As far back as I can remember people have gravitated to me because of what I am and what I do as opposed to who I am. Even my former wife copped to the fact that she fell in love with the "playwright" and learned to love the person later. This is not meant to be a slight against her but is being used to make my point. How guilty are we all of this?

I can understand when this standard is used in the work environment. When I am auditioning people to cast a play I am looking for talent and ability... but I do go the extra step to get a feel of the individual that I may end up working with. I have often cast someone who may have little or no experience... but is willing to work and learn over a mega talent who has attitude issues. (I continue to maintain that egoistic behavior is really an illumination of the individual's limitations and unwillingness to learn.) Some of my peers have chided me for this but I know that my most successful productions were the ones where everyone is working as a creative team.

However, I've noticed that more and more people are making the choice to befriend based on "what" against "who". Often I will run into folk in my everyday life who make no move to get to know me until they find out what I do... then they gush and fall all over themselves. (And really... what I do is not that amazing.) It's funny in a pathetic way.

Is this "civilization" moving so fast that even in our personal lives we set up an interview process to choose our friends and lovers? It's like the "conditional laundry list" that many people make in choosing a date or a potential life partner... and then wonder why it didn't work out. Of course, I understand that initial attraction is based on superficial factors but have we become so jaded and unwilling to allow life to surprise us? What happened to the adventure of spontaneity? What happened to the value of the individual? How much are these decisions inflicting our own lives?

EDIT: For ALL you Potterheads out there... this site is pretty damn funny! Need some Useless Information... go here! And if you are into killing some time with neat original Flash Games.

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Once again Thank You to all of you who came by with kind comments this week. More importantly... I'm glad you are excited that HNT will be featured in this year's Rogue! Paul in New Zealand has kindly agreed to help me out on this and details will be posted next week for those of you who want in. Thanks once again to Os for starting this phenomenon and for graciously allowing us to feature it!

BTW... minor clarification... the Rogue takes place in Fresno, California... only 21/2 - 3 hours drive away from San Francisco.

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Let's just get the SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT out of the way right off the bat!

HNT at the ROGUE as an Art Exhibit?!!

Yes folks, preparations are underway to feature HNT as an Art Exhibit at the 2006 Rogue Performance Festival! (March 2-11)

Here are some of the details: (this was sent to Os via email)

Since I began participating in HNT I am fully convinced that it is a wonderful example of "blogging as an art form".... after all it is a form of self expression. Thanks to you, I have been given an opportunity to explore that from my end with my various "epic HNT's". There are several HNTers who are also just hitting the roof with their self-expression.

We have secured a venue - Javawava - a cafe that offers free WiFi. We are setting up several laptops for surfing. We are also setting up a big projection screen that will have various HNTs featured on a 3 to 5 minute rotation. Also, a webcam so that the HNTers can view the audience looking at them. (trippy, I know)

The Rogue opens on March 2nd... a Thursday. This day is completely dedicated to the Gallery component of the Rogue. We "event jump" on something local called ArtHop. Javawava is also up for March 9 to feature HNT. BTW the Rogue this year includes over 70 visual artists and performers (local, national and international) in 12 venues! That's close to 200 performances and events over 9 days! Last year we got 5500 folks to attend,,, we are shooting for 7000 this year!

I will post details next week on how you can be a part of this with your HNT. Here are some to hold you over.
  • This is totally on a volunteer basis. (I'm very sensitive to the assholes and flamers out there in cyberland). We will encourage you to create a new blog of your own for this project if you wish.
  • A special HNT AT ROGUE blog will be set up for those who wish to participate... and be linked. (This will be the site featured at the Cafe.)
  • HNTers in and around the California and neighboring states are invited come out for the Rogue (March 2-11).
  • People can create new HNT's or post their personal favorites for viewing for this event.
  • Oh Yeah... pass the word!
Here is my (quickie) HNT for this week... tum, ti, tum, ti, tum...

Still in the fog about this HNT madness? Click the button in the sidebar to find out more!

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Kien (in London) and I were Skyping the other day and the topic of conversation revolved around how friends from our past lives (schoolmates from Malaysia especially) are suddenly reconnecting with us (expats) of late. In fact, he and I reconnected only 5 years ago. The last time I saw him before that was in London around 1980. Since then, we have both noticed a gentle barrage of reconnections along our continuing journeys through life.

I have to admit that there is a certain familiar comfort to it. Running into old friends does that. There is always the initial "catch up" then the continuing enjoyment of each other's company in the present. Of course there are also the (private) observations of how much we have changed or not... and the realization that at the core... we are still the same with some refinements (and dings) through experience and growth. Though it does give one pause to wonder about that whole "circular wheel of life" thing. Is there some wacky cosmic reason why this is happening now? It's as if we all set out in different directions to conquer the world with a scheduled rendezvous to show off the spoils of our plunder... but all we can really show are some lines of age and a healthy regard for the experiences we went through.

On my part this has also been happening with old room-mates and people I knew from my college days. SacrySquirrelMan is a one such friend. Then there is Whackman who is a buddy from my old scouting days.
And today I'm checking my sitemeter and discover that friends from my old scout troop have started a yahoo group! Damn lurkers! Leave a comment you damn layabouts!

So, here is a HUGE SHOUT OUT to ALL my friends out there who happen to trip on by here... I am thankful you were in my life... and still are! Whatever the reason... I am enjoying it!


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It was primarily work for the Rogue this weekend. I didn't mind because we got caught up on at least 2 of the 3 weeks worth of work we were behind on. In a couple of days we will be all caught up. Then we plough ahead! Considering that the event takes place in about 8 weeks... my life will be a doozy for a while. The next 2-3 weeks will be taken up with graphic work (including print and web), mentoring the new Rogue team towards a successful event... plus I'm performing a one-man show ("Lies My Father Told Me") that I haven't even written yet! I may actually develop it in sections on this Blog! So, your comments will be invaluable to helping me shape the show. Some of you are probably reading this with quizzical looks in your eyes! The question... "WTF is the Rogue?" is probably running through your minds. Well, here is a brief explanation...

"Think about it as this swirling circus of originality and creativity that magically appears once a year to tickle, inspire and fire the imagination ... unabashedly celebrating and stretching the wonders of the possible."

The Rogue celebrates the independent performer and artist by providing the opportunity to showcase works in a friendly, affordable, and creative setting. The Rogue Performance Festival is modeled after the fringe festivals which have become popular worldwide. More on the Rogue can be found on our FAQ page.
The 2006 Festival will feature over 70 visual artists and performers (local, national and international) in 12 venues! That's close to 200 performances and events over 9 days!

So, there you have it.

Oh, for you HNTers out there... watch this space for a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT this coming Thursday!

EDIT: Stole this from warcrygirl's blog (who incidentally has a great post today) ... so if you're a lurker... leave a comment! Don't be shy... we know you're there! :)

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I was informed by a neighbor that an old former neighbor of ours passed today. Ardeen was in her 90's and had been living in a rest home for the last few years.

When I first came to live on this street... Ardeen lived on my left and Ellen on my right. Both were the grand dames of the neighborhood. They became the defacto "grandma's" for the kids growing up here.

Ellen, was the more gregarious of the two, was still hopping on for her daily bus rides downtown well into her 90's. She passed several years ago and her "memorial" was a picnic in her backyard. Ardeen loved a scotch in the evenings and kept "in charge" of her life until the end. Her raspy voice juxtoposed an inate sweetness that at times was quite disarming. Both these ladies showed kindness to me and were always the first ones to support my kooky endeavourers.

To these two Grand Dames of Brown Avenue... my warm thanks for sharing your care, wisdom, friendship, stories and banananut bread with me. You will be remembered fondly... always!

EDIT: I just came across a site about "Flame Warriors" that may be of interest... especially if you've been flamed in your comments section... it's best to know who the enemy is.

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bacon wrapped filet Posted by Picasa
Yesterday was OK... where days go. Thank You once again to all of you who came by with birthday wishes. Your cheery words put a definite sprite to my step today.

I got a call from my cousin, D, from Malaysia at 3 AM. His birthday was on the 3rd and he called to wish me little realizing that there was a 16 hour time difference (he thought it was 12). I was happy to receive the call, anyway. It's nice being remembered.

For the most part the rest of the day went pretty smoothly. I did take myself out last night for a steak dinner and drinks. Then returned home and hit the sack. Now to move forward. There will be challenges ahead but I intend to overcome them with as much creativity as possible.

It's just forward motion now.

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EDIT: I'm gonna be out and about today so, this will have make do for my HNT today. Have a good one Everyone! Mega thanks to all of you who have already come by with birthday wishes!
Here, listen to this while you're reading the post and spend the next 4 and a half minutes with me... and if the song is not done... check the post below.

Powered by Castpost

Yes, it's the eve of my birthday. On the 4th I put another notch on the ugly-stick. Where has the time gone? Why does it (always) feel like I'm starting over from scratch?

My friends who have known me for a long time are aware that I very seldom announce or celebrate my birthday. Just thought I'd do it different this year.

I've had all of 2 significant celebrations of "my day" over the years. The first was when I was 7 and a huge party was organized at my Aunty Ruth's... complete with games, cakes, etc. The other was when I turned 31. I was house-sitting (the house I now own) and we had a bang-up party that lasted for a week... only because we all were hooked on "Leisure Suit Larry"-- once we finally got Larry laid... we all lit cigarettes and sat back.

Sure, I've had the odd lunch or drinks with friends. Last year, my friend, Trunk (who shares the day with me), and I were taken out to dinner by a couple of lovely ladies. Nice, but those of us who were born so close to the holidays have never really gotten our due. Unless we pipe up... no one remembers. And we got use to the line "This is for Christmas... and your birthday!" a long time ago. Surprise parties? HAH! Never happened. So much so, for a couple of years I've forgotten my own birthday until 2 weeks after the fact!

For the last 4 years I've been up to my neck with work on the Rogue. So, this year it's going to be different. Even if there is still loads to do on the Rogue (and we are about 3 weeks behind) I am doing fuck-all tonight and fuck-all tomorrow... even though I have to turn up at my job in the morning anyway. The world will revolve for one day without me. Woo Hoo! I just may take myself out tonight... and tomorrow!

BTW... for you HNTers... this will technically be my HNT... and I just found out that Binsk shares this day with me. So, go over and wish her a good one!


EDIT: And if that ain't good enough... let me just serve you up a meal on my birthday suit! BTW this was first featured HERE!

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Second post for the day... just cuz blogging may be infrequent in the weeks to come.

I had to go down to the Laundromat today to get some bedding and heavy items laundered. After loading the machine I walk down to the local coffee-shop to get myself a cup of steaming java. I get back with a copy of today's newspaper, dump the load into the dryer and settle down to read just how wet the city has become over the last 24 hours.

He walks in with 2 garbage-bags full. The following profiling conversation occurs deep in my noodle.

"Newly single."

"No way."

"Way. Check it out... 30 something, disheveled hair, five o'clock shadow from a couple of days ago, dress pants... who comes to do laundry in dress pants?"

"Perhaps he had a really good New Years?"

"Look outside. SUV... Mercedes to boot, personalized plates... dude, the guy smacks of a north-ender. Those people own their own washer dryers tucked away in their pretty custom homes. Besides, he brought his laundry in garbarge bags."

"O.K., O.K., look like you're reading but sneak a peek at this... he's looking at the 30lb washer like it's the console from the starship Enterprise."

"Look at that stupor. Notice the slump in the shoulders?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Damn, he's been standing there staring at that machine for the last 2 minutes. (pause) Phew, OK... good. He finally found the button to pop the door open."

"He's never done this before... I can't believe he's trying to load the entire contents of those bags into one machine!"

"Yeah, she was the one who did the laundry at home. (pause) Uhuh... "


"He just pulled out a dress shoe from the machine."

"Whoa! Must have been a quick exit. Cheater?"

"I don't think so. Probably a nice guy who never saw it coming."

"Between Christmas and New Years?"

"Yup. Can be quite the deadly season."

"Yup. Poor guy. Check out the back of the SUV... suitcases. "

"Ouch! Probably been sleeping on a buddy's couch here in the district for the last 2 nights."

"And wracking his brain on how to win her back. He's trying to convince himself that this is a temporary phase."

"It won't work."

"I know. Once a woman's mind is made up... very little is gonna change it. Chances are, she made up her mind months ago... but only just broke it to him."

"He never saw it coming. Look, he's still befuddled."

"Yeah he's still trying to figure out her :: It's not you... it's me :: line."

"Probably a one-two punch that was coupled with the :: I don't know who I am anymore... I need space to find myself :: line."

"That's classic 30-something. What's really throwing him off is probably the :: You're the last person I wanted to hurt :: line."

"Why do they say that?"

"It's an attempt to be kind, I guess. She doesn't hate him... just doesn't want to be with him anymore"

"So, why did he leave?"

"To be big... to be kind."

"Probably thinks that it's gonna score him points. Sad. (pause) Sancho in the woodpile?"

"Maybe... Possible... nothing malicious though... more of a distraction than anything of substance."

"A desperate attempt to reassert ... her womanhood..."

"More the need to feel attractive, I think... to feel vital again."

" And the poor son of a gun was oblivious to that need. Hey, our load is dry."

"Let's bug out of here."

"Yeah... Whoopsie, he's got no change. And you're right... newly single."

" What?"

"Ring dent still on the finger. Saw it when he put the twenty dollar bill into the change machine."

"What a way to start out the New Year, huh?

"Poor bastard."

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It's been raining for 24 hours straight - I love it! It doesn't happen very often here in the big "NO"... so when it does, it almost becomes an event. Most of the drivers here are pretty crappy anyway but when it does pour, driving suddenly tranforms into a full contact sport. I was out and about this morning... just out of curiosity, and lordy, was it fun! Lots of glazed and confused looks on the road. Good thing it's not a full working day. (BTW that is an actual picture of the roads at 10 this morning.)
I'm thankful there is this extra day for me to psyche-up for the coming year. I just hate doing things half baked... sort of. Sure, more often than not one has to improvise in life... but I generally like knowing at least which direction I'm heading in.
I was in the kitchen yesterday cooking and my Mum came in to thank me for taking care of her when she was feeling under the weather. (BTW she's in her 80's) It's nice but always a little strange when this occurs. One would think that it's a given that one would naturally take care of family. How does one react to that? "Sure, Mum... no problem... feel free to get sick at any time!" I guess what I'm getting at is that (for the most part) we are taught about the grace in giving... but there should also be an equal quality of grace in the act of receiving... even when one is receiving thanks.
So, my goal today is prep, prep... and more prep... for everyday life, for work and for the Rogue. Personally, I'd rather be lounging around under the blankets eating Ho Ho's and watching movies. But if all this prep doesn't happen... it'll be like inviting the auditors of Hell into my life.

more later... perhaps...

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The rain is pattering outside. We've been told to expect this for the next couple of days. Once the rain clears.... we have the return of the fog to look forward to.

The next 3 months will be wall to wall work in all areas. But it will also be an exciting time... a time of transition. In order to accomplish all that needs to happen it will take lots of effort and patience... patience especially. But it's important to see this phase through... and close well.

10, 000 details. More questions than answers. Challenges that will require creativity. Let's not forget all that life itself will bring.

The adventure begins.

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