Da Blogs Da Thang: MS WHITE SNOWS EM

MS WHITE SNOWS EM

Published Sunday, October 09, 2005 by lecram sinun | E-mail this post

OK... here is a snippet from one of the 2 plays that I'm working on. This is a 2 person piece.

"MS. WHITE SNOWS EM"

INT. TARGET STORE –NIGHT
In the darkness we hear music. The lights come up on the patio furniture section of the store. A man in sunglasses, who we shall call HUNTER, sits impassively in a chair.

He looks around furtively. Pulls out a pair of bikini briefs. Looks around. Puts them up to his waist to check the size.

A voice comes over the store PA system.

MS. WHITE (V.O.)
Got it! WOW! Look at this stuff!

This startles Hunter. He quickly stuffs the underwear into his pocket.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
This is great!

Hunter pulls out a communicator.

HUNTER
Where are you?

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
I’m here. I’m still here, Hunter. Don’t worry. I haven’t left. Did I scare you?

HUNTER
No.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
You lie.

HUNTER
I need a visual.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
I’m in the control room.

HUNTER
The technical term is surveillance center.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Good. So you know where I am. That’s all you need to know, right? I’m here. I’m fine. Tah Dah!

HUNTER
No, I still need a visual.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
I got one. I can see you on monitor number 3.

HUNTER
You do?

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
This is cool.

HUNTER
Please don’t mess with the equipment.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Hey… theres a balding spot on the back of your head. This zoom thingy works really well.

HUNTER
(to himself)
Great… she’s playing with the equipment.
(back on communicator)
Will you please come down to where I can see you?

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
It’s shaped like a kidney.

HUNTER
What?

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
Your bald spot.

HUNTER
Balding… It’s not all gone.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Yet.

HUNTER
O.K. … yet. It’s balding… no… thinning, actually. I like thinning… I prefer thinning. It’s a “still hair there” kinda word.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
It looks like a butt print.

HUNTER
What?

MS.WHITE (V.O.)
Your bald spot looks like a butt print. Like some small person… a dwarf or someone… with a hot little ass sat on your head and burned off some of the hair.

HUNTER
I don’t know any dwaves… not personally.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
That’s what you say.

HUNTER
Thank you for the visual.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Happy to oblige. You did say you wanted a visual.

HUNTER
That’s not what I meant. Now will you please come out where I can physically see you?

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
As I recall, it was you who rushed over to the patio furniture section the moment I started looking at bras and panties. You weren’t too concerned about a visual then.

HUNTER
I was trying to provide you with some privacy.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
I tried a couple on, you know.

HUNTER
Good. I hope you found something you like.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
I did.

HUNTER
Excellent. That’s what we’re here for.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
And I didn’t use the dressing room either. (pause) I just whipped it all off right there and then. Stood buck naked in the aisle… trying on underwear smack in the middle of the store. That would have given you plenty of visual, huh? (giggles)

HUNTER
Glad I could accommodate your privacy then.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
No, you’re not.

HUNTER
Thanks.

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
Kinky.

HUNTER
Excuse me?

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Short and curly... (giggles) Short and curly… no kinky…

HUNTER
What are you doing? Naming off the dwarfs with hot asses? Kinky, Short and Curly.

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
Nappy? Fuzzy? Scaly? Hmmm… Knobby? Knobby.

HUNTER
Is that the rest of the gang? Maybe we could book them for a stint at the Kingdom. The Hot Ass Dwarves… Limited engagement! (pause) Knobby?

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Did you like my story about getting naked in the middle of the store?

HUNTER
So, it was a story.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
No. (pause)

HUNTER
Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea… you know… disrobing in the store and all. Generally if there are surveillance cameras… there are surveillance tapes.

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
I don’t care. (pause) Oh, look… its standing.

HUNTER
Hey, what exactly are you zooming in on now?

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
The details these cameras can pick up… amazing!

HUNTER
Where are you pointing that camera?

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
The little curly hairs on your bald spot are a lot kinkier than the rest of your head. And they actually stand when you get excited…

HUNTER
Oh. I wasn’t excited.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Yes, you were.

HUNTER
I was… rankled. It’s a survival instinct. And… for the record… it’s thinning. Remember, I prefer the thinning spot on my head?

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Thinning. Whatever. Is our surveillance system at the Kingdom this good?

HUNTER
Our surveillance system is a little more upscale than what you would find at a local Target store.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
Why?

HUNTER
People like to steal from us.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
People like to steal from Target stores too.

HUNTER
We have a little more to lose… especially from card counters. Those guys are a dime a dozen in this city.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
The same could be said for shoplifters.

HUNTER
Not the same.

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
Sure, it is. A little here… a little there… it all adds up.

HUNTER
I suppose.

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
Especially those $5 dollar bikini briefs… like the ones in your pocket.

HUNTER
Hey, I was gonna pay for them before we left! And they were only $10 for a 3 pack.

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
So, you love a bargain as much as I do.

HUNTER
I like a bargain. Actions and emotions like love I save for…

MS. WHITE(V.O.)
For?

HUNTER
Never mind. Can you get out here… and get on with this? It’s 2 in the morning.

MS.WHITE(V.O.)
Precisely! It’s after hours. I need some music to shop by. Get me in the mood. I hate shopping without music.

MUSIC

HUNTER
Good. Now you have music. Can you please get on with it? The shopping part? I don’t have all night. (pause) Hey, you still up there? Ms. White? Ms. White?

So, let me know what you think... and where you think it's going... where you think it should go.

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT PART.

9 Responses to “MS WHITE SNOWS EM”

Robin on October 13, 2005 7:15 AM

The last time I checked, Target was not open 24hrs and shoppers were not allowed to play with the surveillance cameras. I like where this is going...I'm intrigued. Why are they there? What are the really doing? Do go on!
Mara on October 13, 2005 10:25 AM

LMDAO... THE HOT ASS DWARVES? ::giggling::

::smooches::
Mara
lecram sinun on October 13, 2005 6:51 PM

Paul - NZ? One never knows... it could happen.

Robin - Glad you're intrigued... let's see where it goes.

awaterpixie - good, that libe worked.

No_Puzzy_4_ju - Thanks, I have and will continue to. :)
Rose-Colored Beer Goggles on October 13, 2005 7:37 PM

For some reason, I'm hearing Bonnie Hunt and Jon Stewart reading this? Both have playful attitudes and are quick witted enough to ad lib.

More please!
.- on October 14, 2005 12:24 AM

lurk away - but holy macaroly, after seeing your last hnt I am mightily disappointed. I'd try the recipe but what would I service it on!
Anonymous on October 15, 2005 9:52 AM

Loved. It. You know I often change in public... actually I did so just last weekend. Gave the other shoppers a visial they won't soon forget. Ha!
lecram sinun on October 17, 2005 2:56 PM

Rose-Colored Beer Goggles - Good suggestions but can't afford their fees yet! lol!

addict - of course I will. :)

ms. bees - I suspected so. lol!
Anonymous on October 19, 2005 6:56 PM

Interesting opening, nice word-play...interested is seeing what develops.
IX on October 21, 2005 7:09 AM

::plugging nose:: interesting opening, nya nya nya...

I think it's HA!larryous!!! Love that the lady is so over the top ditsy. Otherwise you might actually begin to take her seriously.

Loved it. Brought tearses!