so, I came to a decision today...

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... for personal reasons I have decided not to continue participating in Fuck You Friday. (Boy, this seems to be the week for me to do this sort of thing, huh?) I do understand that folks need to vent... and for that I think FYF serves it's purpose very well. One does need to release tension and frustration at the end of the week... especially if it has been a challenging one... and why not do it in a fun way? However, I am going to bow out gracefully.

The following is one reason I'm willing to share.

When I was younger, and as a result of my handicap, I was mad at the world. (This is a reality for most handicap people.) And there were times when this did not make me a pleasant person to be around. We all know how tough it is to be a teenager... but add being dismissed from certain activities because it wasn't physically viable (their decision) or knowing exactly why the girls wouldn't dance with you at a party, etc... didn't help my demeanor one iota. It was then I decided that if I was going to be noticed it would be because of my capability and not my disability. I also decided that it was within my power to accomplish this... just didn't know how yet.

So, in my early 20's I had made a concerted effort to take that energy born from anger and funnel it elsewhere... I started writing plays and doing theatre. In fact, it became my vocation in life. If you must know, my first play resulted from a rejection (doesn't it almost always?)... not from the girl but from her parents who deemed that I was not suitable... and part of their justification, I have to believe, was because I was not "whole". It was during this process of creation that I discovered that the motivation to begin writing ("I'll show em...") and the energy behind that can be transformed. In the middle of the process the original motivation seemed moot and silly compared to the creativity I was energized with. You see, energy has no morality or motivation... it just is. It is what you do with it that decides right or wrong, negative or positive, good or evil and creative or destructive.

So from a creative standpoint for me... it's akin to Samson cutting his hair and throwing it to the wind. To MG and Tequila Girl... it really has been fun... but right now I'm saving up for that big one down the line. I hope you understand and also hope that this won't make us strangers on each other's blogs. :)


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