i could be nice but i'd rather be honest

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After 9 and a half hours in front of the computer I decided that I needed to get out for a bit. So, I headed down to the local watering-hole to have a drink and to check out who was out and about this PM. Phone calls were made but none met with hope or response... which I fully expected.

I sat for for about 45 minutes just sipping my drink not really expecting anyone to show up... hey, it's a Tuesday night in the "hood" afterall! As I sat... lyrics of the Rain Song ran through my bleary mind. The line:
These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall

The line seemed particularly apt to where I find myself at the moment. The thing is I knew this would be the case for a while... that one's esteem was dependent on what one does and (perceived) status as opposed to who one is. This is why I have always been leery to exalted claims of ultimate friendship. Besides, lives are always evolving and in a state of flux and any expectation beyond the present is unrealistic. Everybody moves on to where life takes them. No fault. No accusations. No hard feelings.

A friend eventually walked in finally and we conversed... each of us delighting in each other's presence... which we hadn't been in a long while. The topic was being the confidant. I have been that. I have also been the friend, the lover, the spouse. the go-between. It struck me that I remained the confidant whenever I was the friend or the lover... or the combination of the two. In my observation, if somehow things progressed to me becoming the significant other or the spouse I was stripped of my ranking and function as confidant. It's almost as if the establishment of a "solid and stable" relationship made the other want to keep and/or hide secrets.


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